Parenting often feels like navigating a battlefield of “No’s.” Your child wants to stay up late; you say “No.” They want to eat cookies before dinner; you say “No.” Before long, you’re locked in a power struggle, with neither side feeling heard or understood. But what if you could shift from a tug-of-war to a collaborative solution using a simple yet effective technique called Yes-When technique.
Let’s consider some examples:
Scenario #1: Your child wants to play video games instead of doing their homework.
The Typical “No” Response: “No, you can’t play video games right now. Do your homework first!”
This often leads to frustration, arguments, and defiance as your child feels dismissed or controlled.
The “Yes-When” Approach: “Yes, you can play video games when your homework is finished.”
This response shifts the focus to a solution that honours both the parent’s boundary and the child’s desire. It creates a clear, achievable condition while avoiding unnecessary conflict.
Scenario #2: Your child wants to buy a toy during a shopping trip, even though it’s not in the plan.
The Typical “No” Response: “No, we’re not buying toys today.”
The “Yes-When” Approach: “Yes, we can get a toy when it’s your birthday or another special occasion.”
This balances validation of their wish with a realistic boundary, avoiding a meltdown while teaching patience.
Scenario #3: Your child wants to eat a cookie before dinner.
The Typical “No” Response:“No, you can’t have a cookie before dinner!”
This often leads to complaints, whining, or a full-blown tantrum as the child feels denied and frustrated.
The “Yes-When” Approach:“Yes, you can have a cookie when you’ve finished your dinner.”
This response validates the child’s desire for the cookie while reinforcing the importance of eating a proper meal first. It gives the child a clear path to achieving their goal without creating conflict.
Why It Works: The “Yes-When” technique encourages cooperation rather than control. It validates your child’s wishes, provides a sense of autonomy, and communicates boundaries in a respectful way. Instead of feeling shut down, your child hears a conditional “Yes,” which helps build responsibility and trust.
Try it the next time you face a power struggle with your child. Replace the automatic “No” with a calm, clear “Yes-When,” and watch how it transforms the dynamic in your home! If you need more insights and strategies like this, reach out to book your consult on positive and effective discipline approaches.
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